After reading “Dying To Be Me” by Anita Moorjani, I was motivated to take another look at a similar experience I had when I was a young woman. Although mine only seemed like a few brief moments, the sense of Oneness and the feeling of profound LOVE is congruent with many details of Anita’s near death experience (NDE).
I was neither ill nor in a coma or anywhere near death. I was a healthy young woman in my twenties seeking my purpose in life. I was still living in Colorado at the time and I was practicing Tai Chi with a group of people who would meet on a regular basis. We would gather to meditate and to practice other modalities with the intention of finding that “something more.” We were in the backyard of our mentors home, someone with whom I continue to hold very dear to my heart. She was guiding us through Tai Chi movements when at one point she had us lay our bodies down on the ground facing skyward. I had my arms stretched out at my sides with palms facing up and open. By body was relaxed and it was easy to surrender to the serenity of nature.
As I settled into my position, I allowed my body to relax more and more. Gradually I felt myself sinking into the earth as if she were a soft and down-like cushion. I was so at ease it felt as if my body were floating like a cloud. I don’t remember if my eyes were open or closed and I know it makes no difference. I could see the trees, the individual blades of grass, the house, the chain-link fence and the others in the group scattered across the yard. Although I was facing the sun I remember thinking Wow, how odd, I can see everybody and everything at the same time! There was a sense of lightness and a feeling of being detached from my physical body. I was everything. It was not only Renee laying on the grass, I was the grass! I was a blade of grass just “being” a blade of grass. I was the sky and the clouds that were drifting above. I was a tree growing roots deep into the earth from a hardy trunk while holding up branches sprouting delicate green leaves. I was everything happening all at once! I had this feeling of knowing that everything is perfect and on purpose. I felt bathed in warm and glorious LOVE. I was so happy! It felt like the true meaning of home. Everything is as it should be and all is well in the world. It was a timeless experience because it seemed to last so much longer than what I believe to have been seconds. I may have been in that state for only a moment and what a beautiful moment it was. It was a flicker of Oneness, consciousness unbounded. I was then back in my body and back in this physical reality.
Photo by Don Moseman
Throughout my life I have always reflected on that particular instance and often wonder if my life was somehow changed from this rich observation. I want to say “yes” because afterward I also remember considering with amazement and a stronger sense of self the possibility of a grander scheme of things. Something much larger than what is available through our five senses. The taste of the infinite in that short visit gave me hope. It gave me a drive to continue my search towards self-awareness. Even after all these years I am still learning that loving myself is the key to living a passionate life. I am a work in progress and sometimes it feels at a snail’s pace. I say that respectfully because I am still learning to be gentle with myself and I absolutely love snails!
I am so grateful to Anita for sharing her NDE because it validates the intricate feelings and emotions that I had during my particular instance in the state of Bliss. I don’t feel alone anymore since I read her book. I am taking direction from her experience and from my experience and applying the mix to my life. Her story has given me inspiration to shake out the settled dust and refresh my way of “being” as I continue my quest for perfect self-love.
Here is a quote from Anita’s book that has left within me an imprint:
I have discovered that to determine whether my actions stem from “doing” or “being,” I only need to look at the emotion behind my every day decisions. Is it fear, or is it passion? If everything I do each day is driven by passion and a zest for living, then I’m “being,” but if my actions are a result of fear, then I’m in “doing” mode.
Thank you for taking the time to read my share!
LOVE to your infinite self and the infinite animals,
Renee
